Hate to disappoint you: Not dead.
I was trying to figure out how to be less disappointed in my Substack, so I retooled it to work more like a public journal. I do find it easier to write there, which may just bring in more readers in the long run. I will spin off sub-Substacks for specific issues as I see a need. I already have two in mind. But the practical result of me treating it like sort of a diary is that I feel less urge to write here, and I already am not regular enough with it.
But I will figure that out because writing here still matters to me.
I’m dreaming about my younger child again (and, apparently, her father, though that was just sort of around the edges). I wish I could resolve that situation some way. I know she told me to go to therapy. In practice she doesn’t give a shit whether I go to therapy. She just wants nothing to do with me. If I did go to therapy it’d be “you haven’t been working at it long enough” the first time I got the least little upset about something or, worse, it’d be “that’s not the right kind of therapist.” Goalposts constantly being moved. People do this when they have no respect for you and don’t actually want to see you succeed.
Lots of that going around.
Lots of people disappointing me, too.
I don’t want to get too carried away tonight. I have a thing I need to work on and can’t do that and also type here. I will try to update again soon.