This morning I saw L had a shopping list ready that included TP and laundry detergent (which we also need and I’d bought the last big bottle) on it. So then came a quandary because she left the house and didn’t come back and didn’t come back and I thought, Okay, if I go to Walmart and do not buy toilet paper, I’ll get back and she won’t have gotten any. We had “cracked” the final roll by then. So I decided to go ahead and bite the bullet. If it turned out she’d bought any then worst-case scenario I’d have doubled the supply; best-case, she’d have bought one of her large packs and mine would just be backup for when we’re down six rolls. Honestly not fussed.
So I finally (I had woken up with a headache and was slow to get going) went to Walmart myself and, la-de-dah, on the way down Parkway I saw what was probably Neighbor’s car zooming past. My brain immediately went oh fucking yay, she’s with him and I’ll meet them there and they’ll abandon me and not give me a ride home. Well, I got there having not passed him again and didn’t see any sign of his car, and I did my buying and I left. After I got back on our road I had gotten… hell, I don’t know. Halfway to L’s gate? Just past the mailboxes? I’m not sure? I hear this car come up behind me and slow down and I think, No fucking way! and turn my head and it’s Neighbor. “Want a ride?” Do I fuck. Uh, I do that too. Interested?
(I DIDN’T SAY THAT)
I don’t know where he had been but it turned out it was without L so maybe she’d gone to Wally World and then gone to his house and then they parted ways and she went home. That’s the only way I can think of to make sense of it, because when he got me to the front gate he said he wasn’t going in because he was running late to head out to the meat pickup in Cave Junction. Okay. I went down the driveway and sure enough, L was home. She’d been home long enough to unload an entire probably twelve-pack of TP into the cabinet under the sink. No drama. Also no room for the TP I’d bought, so I have it in my room now pending the need for restocking. Like I said. Honestly not fussed.
Meat pickup went okay. Sorting went okay. This seems to be a high-scutwork week, which makes me happy because I can catch L up and not be broke when I’m done. Neighbor asked me at one point whether I was still spending money on food or if meat-sorting covers my entire food expense and I said well, I spend money on extras like coffee. No more elaboration than that. He doesn’t know, she doesn’t know. I have no idea what they’d say or do if they did know. I want as little fuss over me as possible. I trust no one to treat me rationally at all.
Couple other things happened that I can’t share, and they weren’t bad but there is either drama potential or misunderstanding potential as applicable. So, the usual. If you want me to tell you the truth, don’t punish me for being honest. Reba and Dad never learned that lesson and I despair that anyone ever will.
I will say that I suppose my adoration of the man continueth unabated and it is completely not his fault because I don’t think I have been this safe with an unrelated man since I went to see Body of Evidence with two guys from my training unit. And I mean that was the most uneventful Going To A Movie with at least one guy and no other women present that I’ve ever done. Considering the subject matter and all. Neighbor is like that, minus the weirdo erotic movie. Just… there. Nothing threatening at all. Not even in a fun way. I don’t want to think the only reason I like him is because he’s not into me. Probably not the only reason. Definitely a big reason though.
I don’t want to be that.
I wonder if it would make any difference if maybe I opened up to him. I don’t mean that in a prurient way. Shut up. But I close off with everybody. What if I stopped closing off with him… what would happen?
It might be interesting to find out. We’ll see.